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The Dick family (joke version)

I was born to a small camp in the desert when I noticed my beautiful last name, Dick. Immediately after being born, my mother, Rababbuclsefk, explained that she had lost her old village and family and fans so she started a new one in the desert. I had a few siblings, not all of them made it, but my sisters, Newt and Unnamed played large roles in my life. That includes starving themselves! My name was John Dick and I was a blonde, baby faced boy, like most people.

The farm wasn’t looking so good without makeup and seeds and we were running back and forth *benny hill music* to collect cactus fruit until the carrots were back on track again. GO GO CACTUS! I brought back a bunch of fruit, then decided to run off to look for seeds. Along the way, I stumbled upon a neat graveyard and snared rabbits. I also snapped my leg. I thought there must be a civilization of some sort nearby, so I followed it, and stumbled into a village of my elderly male family members, not a woman or child in sight. Maybe I should've ADS.

We were all Dicks, and we fit that name well because we were all named Richard except for me and two of my sisters! They had lots of carrots harvested and a large farm full of dry seeds, clothing, a casino, and a berry farm. I couldn’t believe my luck with the casino. I was naked, rich, afraid, *why did I include this* my hands carrying a measly basket of berries and the elders exclaimed “a child! boi y u no listen to dnak memes?!” I told them that we had women back in camp, my mother and sisters, and they told me to bring them back. I (b)vowed to keep that promise. I grabbed a basket of carrots, broke my other leg for luck, and ran as fast as I could.

By the time I was back home, my mother had turned gay. She would have no more children, but she would be happy! I told everyone I found her old home and for a while, no one listened to me (because plebs in this game have no ears.) I told tales of many carrots and that was enough to get my youthful, unnamed sister to follow me. She had already had children but she grabbed her newborn son (but she forgot to have a girl *cough* foreshawdowing *cough cough*)and we ran south. We stopped periodically and I told her to eat from my basket, risking my own life for our family to live on my dead corpse.

We eventually made it to the large camp my mother had lost, but by the time we got there, all of the elders had died. They left their clothing by the farm and we quickly suited up and got to work on the farm. My sister raised a son named ssack, who looked just like me, except he wasn't. It seemed like my sister was almost getting too old to have more children and I got worried. The last thing I ever said to her was “You need to have a girl.” She said nothing and I never saw her again after that.

Jack and I continued to work on the farm, but it became clear that it was just the two of us now, and the ghosts of the elders. As the elders before us, all of our women died out. I’m not sure what happened to my sister, whether she intentionally starved herself or was killed by a snek.

I don’t remember what I began to look for, but I caught sight of a pair of legs with Nikes standing in the tundra biome. I hovered over the woman and it said she was my sister, Newt. I never brought her to the camp, not sure how she got there. She was fully clothed, with pants, a hat, backpack, and sealskin coat. I tried to speak to her, to get her to follow me to the carrot farm, but there was no answer. I ran back to get carrots to show her, but she had turned gary by the time I reached her again.

I ran to get my nephew, ssack and show him this odd little sight, but when we arrived, he couldn’t see her. He said nothing was there, and yet I saw her clear as day. He wasn’t sure what to say and I’m sure he was a little disturbed. I began to believe that I was hallucinating. I was going insane. OHHHH NOOESSS! PINK PANTS I realised!

After all the work my ancestors had put into this village, there was nothing left to show for it. Depression set in as I realized my time on this earth was useless. Worthless. I left my clothing by the camp and died on the farm after saying goodbye to my nephew. I’m sure he st(e)aked himself soon after.

To my Dick family, I tried my best to keep the name alive, but it just wasn’t good enough to live. I’m sorry, elders.

(But in all seriousness tho, is that a bug anyone else has encountered before? I was sure that Newt had died and never made it to the camp, yet she was there. But my nephew couldn’t see her. Am I really going crazy??)