Your first grief?

Cantface · 2020-11-25 15:15:36

Maybe instead of saying grow up you could realise that there are people of all different kinds playing this game and many with various issues so being patronising and telling us or ppl like me to grow up is spreading even more toxicity and hardly helps us see your side of things. It's actually a little unsettling and upsetting to me how people have tunnel vision about this issue! Not everyone can handle the BS as well as you do I'm sure.

You CAN do something that unintentionally negatively effects another person. Just because it wasn't "deliberate" doesn't mean it's not griefing. Is that how you justify it?? Rather than getting the dictionary page up you could think about it with some nuance for a moment. You can do something 'unintentionally' like hit someone with a car or even accidentally kill someone. If you get caught are you going to say "Well I didn't MEAN to officer therefore you can't blame or arrest me!" You'd still go to jail for manslaughter because even if you didn't intend for anyone to get hurt your accidental actions can still cause hurt and harm.

Like Eve troll says you're running a bit fast and loose with deciding what actions are/are not griefing, but as soon as I mention another perspective you shut it down quickly and disregard other opinions. I wanted to have a healthy discussion not told to fucking grow up after making some actual points here.

DiscardedSlinky · 2020-11-25 15:25:43

If you're assuming I'm talking to you and are getting mad about it maybe you need to check your life choices.

Cantface · 2020-11-25 15:41:43

You said it multiple times after my posts, but you know what, you're right. I shouldn't have let people like you and this game effect me so negatively in the first place. I shouldn't allow you to toy with my head 'unintentionally' or not. It's just easier to mess with certain people's emotions and then turn around and act like it's all on them. Sure, that's why a lot of us don't want to interact with people in general.

Just be more mindful. If you had lots of empathy you'd see issues from multiple perspectives rather than one. This situation is grey, not black and white.

Cantface · 2020-11-25 16:16:19

We're just going to get gaslit here guy. Try as we might to explain they're just going to insult us and then turn around and say they didn't. They'll tell you that this game isn't a therapist and tell you to get one in real life, even though us poor people can't get access to decent therapy at all. Many of us have tried and been traumatised by people who shouldn't be in that line of work to begin with. You want actual therapy you need to PAY, like with most things in this crappy life.

I say this with care please just let it go before you become like me, a mess over something I can't control.

DiscardedSlinky · 2020-11-25 16:40:02

Cantface wrote:

You said it multiple times after my posts, but you know what, you're right. I shouldn't have let people like you and this game effect me so negatively in the first place. I shouldn't allow you to toy with my head 'unintentionally' or not. It's just easier to mess with certain people's emotions and then turn around and act like it's all on them. Sure, that's why a lot of us don't want to interact with people in general.

I don't even know who you are. My only memory of you is you drawing some fanart like a year ago. Who are you? Do you even play? Are you in the discord? You're sounding 1. incredibly paranoid and strange and 2. defensive as hell, which makes you sound guilty of something.

If you're having a bad day don't come here and put it on random people. If you're out there griefing you can do what you want but you'll have to accept consequences for it as we all do. Either way stop assuming everyone is talking to you. I was addressing griefers in general with most of my messages but you come out hurling insults at people you don't even know.

Last edited by DiscardedSlinky (2020-11-25 16:40:37)

DestinyCall · 2020-11-25 16:43:18

Cantface wrote:

You CAN do something that unintentionally negatively effects another person. Just because it wasn't "deliberate" doesn't mean it's not griefing. Is that how you justify it?? Rather than getting the dictionary page up you could think about it with some nuance for a moment. You can do something 'unintentionally' like hit someone with a car or even accidentally kill someone. If you get caught are you going to say "Well I didn't MEAN to officer therefore you can't blame or arrest me!" You'd still go to jail for manslaughter because even if you didn't intend for anyone to get hurt your accidental actions can still cause hurt and harm.

Definitions of griefing vary from person to person, which sometimes makes it really hard to have a discussion about the subject, because you could be arguing about completely different things while agreeing on more than you realize.

Personally, I define a griefer or bad faith player as someone who deliberately irritates and harasses other players within a multi-player game. Malicious intent is a key component of griefing for me. So I believe that you cannot grief "on accident" or without realizing it. It has to be a purposeful action with intent to do harm to others. In criminal terms, when I talk about griefing I am talking about first degree murder, rather than manslaughter. You wanted them dead and then you made them dead. It was intentional malicious act.

Now, intent is a tricky business. It is entirely possible for people to be falsely accused of griefing or for someone to believe that they have been griefed and be hurt by someone else's actions, even though their intentions were innocent. I would not consider that true griefing. It is a misunderstanding and it sucks almost as badly as the real thing, but it is a different thing, because it was not on purpose and it can be resolved through communication and understanding.

For example, imagine you are a new player and you decide to go make some mutton pies, because there isn't very much food in the kitchen. So you grab a knife and kill all the sheep. Someone sees you do it and immediately accuses you of being a griefer. Other people gather around and they start to curse you and drive you out of town, despite your attempts at explanation. You come back into town to keep playing and you are immediately stabbed by the town leader and die. Even though you upset the town and pissed off a lot of people and got cursed a whole bunch, in my eyes, you are not a griefer, because your intentions were good. I don't think the action itself or even the outcome of that action, define griefing. Rather it is the purpose behind that action - the intentions of the griefer.

To continue the above example, imagine that after that life, you are born into a new village and you are very upset about how your last life went. You don't think you did anything wrong and you are really mad at the people who killed you unjustly. So when you get old enough, you find the knife and you kill all the sheep. Now you are a griefer. You have committed your first grief, because there was malice in your heart when you took that action. You wanted to hurt other people. You wanted to ruin their fun. Your actions had a negative impact on the village in both lives, but in this life, you were doing it on purpose. That's what makes your actions griefing and makes you a griefer, even though the outcome was the same from the perspective of the other townsfolk.

In the game, I do think it is really important to be aware that not all "griefing" is really intentional and malicious. I think a good chunk of all the bad things that happen are accidents and misunderstandings due to our own limited perspective - we can only see so much. We might not realize that someone else needs the materials that we used in our project. We might not recognize that someone else is working really hard to fix a critical problem and get in their way. We might not see the full story and jump to a conclusion when we see something suspicious or potentially threatening. Education and clear communication can make a big difference. When I see people doing things that don't make sense, I try to take the time to understand their actions before I condemn them. Even clear-cut cases of griefing - like killing all the sheep - might have a decent explanation if you give the guilty party an opportunity to explain. And real griefers are rarely that subtle. They make their intentions known through their continued misbehavior and malicious acts. It is one of the reasons why I would advocate for leaving griefers alive back when it was easier to kill them. Because by leaving them alive, you could confirm your suspicions by watching them continue to hurt the village and get more people on board to curse them as a group so they would be pushed further away from civilization. A quick death would only push the problem onto another unsuspecting village AND ran the risk of killing an innocent person and possibly even creating new griefer in the process.

Anyways, that's just my perspective on the issue. I realize that not everyone uses my definition of griefing. But I really don't like to see the term being used for every negative interaction between players or anyone who doesn't play the game the way you like. That is too broad and hard to define. It makes it possible to be a griefer just by playing the game in good faith and I don't agree with that at all.

Eve Troll · 2020-11-25 16:58:30

Thats very noble noncreative guy. Even though it might not feel like that work changed the game, you changed it for that person. In this game, as in life, all we can really do is be there for each other and help each other grow. Even if another person replaces the person you helped overcome their issues thats just another person you can help inspire change in. There is something beautiful about that and it goes far beyond just playing a game or building a town. It can be exhausting but dont let it sway your hope. The core of this game is being there for each other, for this generation and the next. That goes far beyond making pies or mining iron. We help each other learn, grow, survive, and thrive. Personally i think this game is strongest when we have an environment that not only enables technical growth, but personal growth as well. Any effort that works towards that is not lost, and goes far deeper than the technical elements of the game. This game is about people. its what makes things interesting, dynamic, and unique each life. Its not simply about growing a town but growing each other. It can be hard, people can be difficult, people can ruin your day, and make you give up hope sometimes. But without hope and people striving to rise above those hardships human beings would have never made it this far.

Last edited by Eve Troll (2020-11-25 16:59:26)

Cantface · 2020-11-25 17:20:47

DiscardedSlinky wrote:

I don't even know who you are. My only memory of you is you drawing some fanart like a year ago. Who are you? Do you even play? Are you in the discord? You're sounding 1. incredibly paranoid and strange and 2. defensive as hell, which makes you sound guilty of something.
If you're having a bad day don't come here and put it on random people. If you're out there griefing you can do what you want but you'll have to accept consequences for it as we all do. Either way stop assuming everyone is talking to you. I was addressing griefers in general with most of my messages but you come out hurling insults at people you don't even know.

Sure you did nothing at all. How about you leave me alone and stop responding to me? I have told you what I think even offered to agree to disagree but you continue, I haven't insulted anyone on the level that you have, stop gaslighting me and assuming I'm guilty of something you're the one telling people to grow up and making massive assumptions about me. I'm not answering any of your questions this convo is just going south.

This isn't good for me and I need to stop talking to you. You are continuing to push buttons that are setting me off. Sure I have responsibility for how I feel and what I say but so do you and you're actually upsetting me so please for the love of god STOP.

Last edited by Cantface (2020-11-25 17:21:55)

Eve Troll · 2020-11-25 17:33:58

Cantface wrote:

DiscardedSlinky wrote:
I don't even know who you are. My only memory of you is you drawing some fanart like a year ago. Who are you? Do you even play? Are you in the discord? You're sounding 1. incredibly paranoid and strange and 2. defensive as hell, which makes you sound guilty of something.
If you're having a bad day don't come here and put it on random people. If you're out there griefing you can do what you want but you'll have to accept consequences for it as we all do. Either way stop assuming everyone is talking to you. I was addressing griefers in general with most of my messages but you come out hurling insults at people you don't even know.
Sure you did nothing at all. How about you leave me alone and stop responding to me? I have told you what I think even offered to agree to disagree but you continue, I haven't insulted anyone on the level that you have, stop gaslighting me and assuming I'm guilty of something you're the one telling people to grow up and making massive assumptions about me. I'm not answering any of your questions this convo is just going south.
This isn't good for me and I need to stop talking to you. You are continuing to push buttons that are setting me off. Sure I have responsibility for how I feel and what I say but so do you and you're actually upsetting me so please for the love of god STOP.

Slinky, can you stop bullying someone who has been bringing up legitimate points in thoughtful ways? Just because you disagree with them doesnt give you a right to treat them this way. This kind of behavior is part of the problem.

sigmen4020 · 2020-11-25 17:41:50

Cantface wrote:

Maybe instead of saying grow up you could realise that there are people of all different kinds playing this game and many with various issues so being patronising and telling us or ppl like me to grow up is spreading even more toxicity and hardly helps us see your side of things. It's actually a little unsettling and upsetting to me how people have tunnel vision about this issue! Not everyone can handle the BS as well as you do I'm sure.
You CAN do something that unintentionally negatively effects another person. Just because it wasn't "deliberate" doesn't mean it's not griefing. Is that how you justify it?? Rather than getting the dictionary page up you could think about it with some nuance for a moment. You can do something 'unintentionally' like hit someone with a car or even accidentally kill someone. If you get caught are you going to say "Well I didn't MEAN to officer therefore you can't blame or arrest me!" You'd still go to jail for manslaughter because even if you didn't intend for anyone to get hurt your accidental actions can still cause hurt and harm.
Like Eve troll says you're running a bit fast and loose with deciding what actions are/are not griefing, but as soon as I mention another perspective you shut it down quickly and disregard other opinions. I wanted to have a healthy discussion not told to fucking grow up after making some actual points here.

I’m getting confused here, because you are clearly somewhat responding to my post in particular, but also not. Idk if you’re talking about someone else or what, but I never told anyone in this thread to “grow up” or anything similar, so I’m just gonna presume you’re talking about someone else here.

Now if you want to paint the term “griefer” in the broadest stroke possible then go ahead, but that’s not how I define it. I don’t really think I need to explain my reasoning for that here too much, because quite frankly Destiny hit the nail on the head with that one, and agree with most of their explanation.

But in short, yes, you can do a bunch of awful stuff to other people unintentionally, but I would never call that griefing. Others might call said person a “griefer” in the moment, but I wouldn’t agree with that knowing the full context, if it was unintentional.

I do however agree somewhat with Eve Troll that the line between a griefer and anti griefer can be blurred with this definition, since there’s intention of sabotage on both sides. Griefers intentionally sabotage regular players for their own reasons, and anti griefers intentionally sabotage griefers for their reasons. I personally agree more with anti griefers reasons, but that’s neither here nor there. So this entire issue isn’t really black and white. There’s a bunch of gray too, especially when discussing anti griefers in particular.

DiscardedSlinky · 2020-11-25 17:47:01

insane

LMAO okay. Good luck, I think you're going to need it jesus

DiscardedSlinky · 2020-11-25 17:53:00

Eve Troll wrote:

Cantface wrote:
DiscardedSlinky wrote:
I don't even know who you are. My only memory of you is you drawing some fanart like a year ago. Who are you? Do you even play? Are you in the discord? You're sounding 1. incredibly paranoid and strange and 2. defensive as hell, which makes you sound guilty of something.
If you're having a bad day don't come here and put it on random people. If you're out there griefing you can do what you want but you'll have to accept consequences for it as we all do. Either way stop assuming everyone is talking to you. I was addressing griefers in general with most of my messages but you come out hurling insults at people you don't even know.
Sure you did nothing at all. How about you leave me alone and stop responding to me? I have told you what I think even offered to agree to disagree but you continue, I haven't insulted anyone on the level that you have, stop gaslighting me and assuming I'm guilty of something you're the one telling people to grow up and making massive assumptions about me. I'm not answering any of your questions this convo is just going south.
This isn't good for me and I need to stop talking to you. You are continuing to push buttons that are setting me off. Sure I have responsibility for how I feel and what I say but so do you and you're actually upsetting me so please for the love of god STOP.
Slinky, can you stop bullying someone who has been bringing up legitimate points in thoughtful ways? Just because you disagree with them doesnt give you a right to treat them this way. This kind of behavior is part of the problem.

I'm not bullying fucking anyone. I'm defending myself and explaining that I'm not TALKING to her. When she says shit like "I shouldn't have let people like YOU and this game effect me so negatively in the first place. I shouldn't allow you to toy with my head 'unintentionally' or not. It's just easier to mess with certain people's emotions and then turn around and act like it's all on them. Sure, that's why a lot of us don't want to interact with people in general."

YOU, YOU, YOU YOU. Like I'm calling her a griefer. I didn't say a fuckin word to her, which was what I was explaining.

Eve Troll · 2020-11-25 18:07:41

You clearly hurt them. Cantface's initial statement was that your comment about "growing up" wouldnt necessarily inspire someone to do so. Instead of justifying your point of view with reason and discourse you chose to attack them. Then discount them with statements like "are you in the discord" "do you even play the game". Realize your words and actions can hurt people and yelling at a problem never fixes it. There is nothing productive about making problems where they do not exist. Like i mentioned in an earlier post turning things into an us against them environment only breeds unrest and resentment. And like many have mentioned in this thread, things are not black and white. Its time to wake up to that fact.

DiscardedSlinky · 2020-11-25 18:15:45

Being called a patroniser, and toxic is pretty rude in my opinion. Also assuming that I curse people for people making small mistakes (Which I don't and I don't even know how that got brought into this??) is pretty rude.

They insulted me first, so I made it crystal clear I wasn't talking to them in a rude way because they were rude to me first. They didn't apologise and instead called me a gaslighter when I said I don't even know them.

I do not care about any of your feelings. If you misunderstood something that is your fault. Do not go and be rude to me about it after I tell make it clear I am not talking to you.

Jesus christ.

me: "We all have problems and issues. If you can't play a video game without making your issues everyone else's you need to grow up."
Everyone else: "WTF WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE THAT? I DON'T NEED TO GROW UP"

You're all crazy.

Eve Troll · 2020-11-25 18:28:58

DiscardedSlinky wrote:

Grow up children. You are responsible for the things you do. Your choices, your actions are YOURS and yours alone.

DiscardedSlinky wrote:

We all have problems and issues. If you can't play a video game without making your issues everyone else's you need to grow up.

DiscardedSlinky wrote:

Sounds like you're being unfriendly and unwelcoming. Guess I have no choice but to grief you as it's impossible to control my anger you triggered. Maybe you should fix yourself if you don't want to be griefed.

DiscardedSlinky wrote:

If you're assuming I'm talking to you and are getting mad about it maybe you need to check your life choices.

DiscardedSlinky wrote:

If you're having a bad day don't come here and put it on random people. If you're out there griefing you can do what you want but you'll have to accept consequences for it as we all do. Either way stop assuming everyone is talking to you. I was addressing griefers in general with most of my messages but you come out hurling insults at people you don't even know.

DiscardedSlinky wrote:

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/ … nknown.png
LMAO okay. Good luck, I think you're going to need it jesus

DiscardedSlinky wrote:

I'm not bullying fucking anyone. I'm defending myself and explaining that I'm not TALKING to her. When she says shit like "I shouldn't have let people like YOU and this game effect me so negatively in the first place. I shouldn't allow you to toy with my head 'unintentionally' or not. It's just easier to mess with certain people's emotions and then turn around and act like it's all on them. Sure, that's why a lot of us don't want to interact with people in general."

YOU, YOU, YOU YOU. Like I'm calling her a griefer. I didn't say a fuckin word to her, which was what I was explaining.

DiscardedSlinky wrote:

Being called a patroniser, and toxic is pretty rude in my opinion. Also assuming that I curse people for people making small mistakes (Which I don't and I don't even know how that got brought into this??) is pretty rude.
They insulted me first, so I made it crystal clear I wasn't talking to them in a rude way because they were rude to me first. They didn't apologise and instead called me a gaslighter when I said I don't even know them.
I do not care about any of your feelings. If you misunderstood something that is your fault. Do not go and be rude to me about it after I tell make it clear I am not talking to you.
Jesus christ.
me: "We all have problems and issues. If you can't play a video game without making your issues everyone else's you need to grow up."
Everyone else: "WTF WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE THAT? I DON'T NEED TO GROW UP"
You're all crazy.

"We all have problems and issues. If you can't play a video game without making your issues everyone else's you need to grow up."

I think its time to take your own advice.

DiscardedSlinky · 2020-11-25 18:31:45

Yes that's all the stuff I said out of context. You really got me there.

Also it's funny you brought the joke comment clearly aimed at you into it. Biased are we tox?

BlueCramberry64 · 2020-11-25 18:34:26

Uncreative Guy wrote:

However, I can’t be the therapist and watch as everything I’ve built and grown attached to throughout the days, which is therapeutic to me as I like seeing things grow, be taken away from me and destroyed at the hands of someone else that might or might not change if I put on a mask and try to help them. I didn’t consent to being their therapist, but I have to try, or else I’m the one needing the therapy. But, when I have the integrity not to grief, I can’t get the therapy from others, which turns me off from the game, and makes me feel like I never want to play again. Even if I successfully help someone overcome their issues, and play in a peaceful way, to finally subdue my own issues, someone immediately takes their place. There’s an endless stream of griefers coming in, and just one of me that has to take each one of their individual punches, until I finally snap, and leave the game forever. Where will your therapist be then? Where do I get my therapy? It goes both ways. Think of the other side.

You are right. Please, don't endanger your mental health and well being. You have no obligation to help the person hurting you, especially with something as delicate as mental health. Leave that to professionals. It can be pretty emotionally draining. If you think it is affecting you, getting away is the best option. Remember that it is just a game, and people being like being assholes online. Don't take it personal and move on. Time is short, better do something that bring you joy

Eve Troll · 2020-11-25 18:41:39

I posted those to give a reference to your rhetoric. If you hadnt noticed, cantface never singled you out, and unlike you was actually talking in hypotheticals. Doesnt really matter if its out of context. Because you were never talking to them, right? Who were you talking to again? Every single one of those posts is an attack, you dont pose reasoning, you dont bring up anything but your anger. I dont know why you feel the need to lash out at people like this, but you might want to look internally for the answer. I dont think anyone in this thread has said anything to justify the things you have said.

DiscardedSlinky · 2020-11-25 18:57:45

Eve Troll wrote:

I posted those to give a reference to your rhetoric. If you hadnt noticed, cantface never singled you out, and unlike you was actually talking in hypotheticals. Doesnt really matter if its out of context. Because you were never talking to them, right? Who were you talking to again? Every single one of those posts is an attack, you dont pose reasoning, you dont bring up anything but your anger. I dont know why you feel the need to lash out at people like this, but you might want to look internally for the answer. I dont think anyone in this thread has said anything to justify the things you have said.

Your reading comprehension is very poor I can see.

I think you need to reread the thread because you have no idea what you're talking about.

Cantface wrote:

Maybe instead of saying grow up you could realise that there are people of all different kinds playing this game and many with various issues so being patronising and telling us or ppl like me to grow up is spreading even more toxicity and hardly helps us see your side of things. It's actually a little unsettling and upsetting to me how people have tunnel vision about this issue! Not everyone can handle the BS as well as you do I'm sure.

Like Eve troll says you're running a bit fast and loose with deciding what actions are/are not griefing, but as soon as I mention another perspective you shut it down quickly and disregard other opinions. I wanted to have a healthy discussion not told to fucking grow up after making some actual points here.

This is what she said to me. Rude and assuming I am talking to her. I never talked about what actions I consider griefing, just my thoughts on griefers as a whole but she's painting a picture like I am out here cursing everyone for everything. Assuming who I am when she has no idea.

Cantface wrote:

I wanted to have a healthy discussion not told to fucking grow up after making some actual points here.

Extremely rude to me when I wasn't talking to her. So I was rude back. I didn't insult her, I just told her how she was sounding to me and

DiscardedSlinky wrote:

If you're having a bad day don't come here and put it on random people. If you're out there griefing you can do what you want but you'll have to accept consequences for it as we all do. Either way stop assuming everyone is talking to you. I was addressing griefers in general with most of my messages but you come out hurling insults at people you don't even know.

No insults. I was rude, but that was intentional as I view her messages to me prior very rude as well.

Please read the threads before making up lies tox. You're being very toxic.

Eve Troll · 2020-11-25 19:09:07

Yea i think the one thing we can all agree on is that im the one being toxic in this thread.

Spoonwood · 2020-11-25 19:22:28

DiscardedSlinky wrote:

Yes that's all the stuff I said out of context. You really got me there.

I checked and all of those comments are in chronological order. You spoke correctly in that people need to take responsibility for their actions. Sure, most griefers are children. But, telling someone to grow up isn't likely to work unless you have their respect. I might be able to tell Milkman to grow up and take responsibility for his actions, since I'm old enough to be his real life father, and maybe I got some respect from him when he played low pop and wasn't, at least, griefing in his own snow village and invited people to a wine party. I doubt such would work though.

You also kept on with that message. In a discussion like this, people are likely to assume that you were responding to the last comment, not writing a moral injunction to the crowd. So, when Cantface starts talking, I can see how she takes the impression that you were talking to her. The context here kind of establishes that you end up talking to individuals. Also, from what I recall of reading what cantface has said before, it seems that she's probably about your age Slinky. You aren't old enough to be her mom or aunt, and even if you were, you aren't.

Unless I really missed something, she didn't ask for your advice. I say this as someone who gives advice rather frequently, and think it's often the better way to go on some things. But, I do realize that unwanted advice correctly gets recognized as patronizing. That doesn't mean Cantface made a good choice by calling out your behavior there. Unwanted "help" is just someone putting pressure on someone else, when that someone else doesn't want it. Maybe that person would be better off by being more open-minded about suggestions or tips from others. But, in the end, that's their call to make.

Also Slinky, seriously, what's with the clown face here? I'm not going to say that you were toxic, because that term is vague, but can't you see how the clown face here was unfriendly and unwelcoming after she asked/told you to stop?

DiscardedSlinky · 2020-11-25 19:24:05

Eve Troll wrote:

Yea i think the one thing we can all agree on is that im the one being toxic in this thread.

I don't know why you feel the need to lash out at people like this, but you might want to look internally for the answer.

We all have different opinions and viewpoints right? Maybe stop assuming I am trying to be toxic and look at this thread from my point of view. I come here and give my thoughts to the griefers and I get called a piece of shit who curses people for nothing and that I'm toxic and patronizing because some random stranger thinks I'm talking to her. Frustrating right?

Then I get some dude who just wants to fight with me at every turn for no reason. I do not care what your opinion is Mr.Toxolotl, Beep, Troll. If you don't like me that's perfectly fine but don't sit there and lie and twist stuff around to make me look bad. Take your own advice and look at things from different angles from people you don't like as you told me before.

PeaGirl · 2020-11-25 19:24:25

Eve Troll wrote:

Yea i think the one thing we can all agree on is that im the one being toxic in this thread.

Not exactly. Bigger picture in this is that some of us consider our gameplay being indicative for our "immature" behavior, which I would have two doubts about.
This escalated way ahead from the original topic "Your first grief?", now this topic has escalated into "Why you grief, you piece of...?"
I tried to form the questions neutrally, in case there was small regret, or pride. Just wanted to see behind the scenes.
But it got really personal for some, I didn't expect it to go this feisty. Though I do believe that some are very respectful despite all the toxic situations popping in everyday life, either
in OHOL or real life. You're perhaps one of the examples for this, Eve Troll.

It might be good to lock this thread since some want to disturb this thread with unnecessary pickle fighting, which they would spend punishing either side in game.

Spoonwood · 2020-11-25 19:26:47

DiscradedSlinky wrote:

This is what she said to me. Rude and assuming I am talking to her.

I sure do see a lot of comments by her and you back to back.

DiscardedSlinky · 2020-11-25 19:30:42

Spoonwood wrote:

DiscardedSlinky wrote:
Yes that's all the stuff I said out of context. You really got me there.
I checked and all of those comments are in chronological order. You spoke correctly in that people need to take responsibility for their actions. Sure, most griefers are children. But, telling someone to grow up isn't likely to work unless you have their respect. I might be able to tell Milkman to grow up and take responsibility for his actions, since I'm old enough to be his real life father, and maybe I got some respect from him when he played low pop and wasn't, at least, griefing in his own snow village and invited people to a wine party. I doubt such would work though.
You also kept on with that message. In a discussion like this, people are likely to assume that you were responding to the last comment, not writing a moral injunction to the crowd. So, when Cantface starts talking, I can see how she takes the impression that you were talking to her. The context here kind of establishes that you end up talking to individuals. Also, from what I recall of reading what cantface has said before, it seems that she's probably about your age Slinky. You aren't old enough to be her mom or aunt, and even if you were, you aren't.
Unless I really missed something, she didn't ask for your advice. I say this as someone who gives advice rather frequently, and think it's often the better way to go on some things. But, I do realize that unwanted advice correctly gets recognized as patronizing. That doesn't mean Cantface made a good choice by calling out your behavior there. Unwanted "help" is just someone putting pressure on someone else, when that someone else doesn't want it. Maybe that person would be better off by being more open-minded about suggestions or tips from others. But, in the end, that's their call to make.
Also Slinky, seriously, what's with the clown face here? I'm not going to say that you were toxic, because that term is vague, but can't you see how the clown face here was unfriendly and unwelcoming after she asked/told you to stop?

I was never talking to cantface. I only addressed her after she replied to me.

Clown face was cause her reply to mine was OUTRAGEOUS. That you can take as me being toxic and that's fine. Seriously though, way too much drama here over dumb misunderstandings. If I was telling cantface to grow up I would've quoted her. I didn't even read the thread before my first addition to it because I was just coming to tell griefers something I believe.

I'm done talking in this thread. Christ.

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#26 2020-11-25 15:15:36

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