How To Exorcise Demonic Sprits?

ksaturn · 2018-10-20 11:38:25

Have your neighbors been complaining about thier toddler's head spinning around like a top while spraying viscous goo before exploding? Well you've come to the right place!

Hello, and welcome to THE complete and comprehensive guide on how to successfully and consistently drive out the twisted, black, wretched, EVIIIIL demonic spirits that are responsible for baby suicide.

For you to lay a binding curse on such a horrible creature, the unfortunate host will need to have a name. But infant suicide can happen very fast, and while you are busy with other important things. It is critical that you remain ever vigilant. The host must still be alive to receive the name properly!

Now normally people say "YOU ARE SOMENAME" when they are naming a baby. It is MUCH faster to type "YOURE A", which is the shortest possible working phrase. Work diligently to update this habit and practice often to save yourself precious time on each and every naming.

Don't believe me? Check out the scripture itself!
https://github.com/jasonrohrer/OneLife/ … hrases.ini

Prepare a paper list of names, male & female OR even better gender neutral. Cross them out as you use them to avoid duplicates. The more unique the better, because sometimes the name gets changed, either by appending a II, III or simply changing it.

Once it is clear the baby has a demon-inspired death-wish you can drop the pretense and just name it via a garble of letters, even just one letter.

It is best to confirm by hovering over them after or checking the bones, though it may not always be worth chasing the abhorrent baby-stealing cretin if it puts you in any real danger.

If you can't easily verify you can still fire off the C-Bomb with the name you said out loud and you might get lucky! There can't possibly be any adverse side effect to this action, so never let an opportunity to do so pass you by.

Naming is typically performed by first holding the baby and then announcing the name. This can be hard to do in some cases however because the once infested by unholy hellspawn the unlucky baby may bite, kick and struggle free. They can also waddle surprisingly fast.

Many highly reliable sources have even reported babies growing fangs, sprouting bat wings or having antediluvian sigils erupting from their flesh while they laugh hideously and speak latin in a harsh echoing bass voice. Don't be fooled though! A number of demons are far more subtle and clever than this, and you must keep a sharp eye out for any erratic behavior.

Rather the holding the baby, it may be sufficient to perform the naming while they are reasonably close by. This can result in the nearest nameless character taking on the name.

FUN FACT: this also works on nameless adult griefers!

As a precaution, make sure everyone in the village is in possession of a name at all times, to prevent any innocent bystanders from unintentionally shielding the possessing spirit from your cleansing ritual.

Many of these abominable spirits simply cause the poor child to run into the wilderness until nature consumes their frail body. As it turns out, these are actually the easier form to banish! A more insidious form of spirit-caused illness, known to some as 'Lowe Gout' can cause what appears to be instant death!

But with proper education and preparation even the terrible 'Lowe Gout' fiend can be cast back into the inky blackness of the starless void from whence it came. It turns out, though very fast indeed, there is a slight delay in such a death.

To overcome this you should, as a fertile adult female, have a complete naming ceremony fully typed in at all times. Before a baby arrives type in "YOURE SOMENAME", replacing SOMENAME with your name of choice. Continue play as normal, without hitting ENTER.

You must keep this typed at all times, removing it only to communicate with others. You may get unlucky enough to have an unprotected birth during prolonged dialogs, so be sure whatever it is you want to say is really worth risking your unborn baby's immortal soul over.

In fact, any and all males should also prepare this action, in case they spot an errant baby running past with uncanny speed and carrying on like a pack of auto-tuned hyenas. Have the teenagers and old-folks pitch in too!

Before any babies actually get born, you should practice reciting the naming ritual. That can allow for quick any easy recall later via the widely practiced 'upward arrow' technique.

Gender neutral names work well here, but in the case of an actual possession it does not matter if the name doesn't match the gender, because the poor little baby will not likely survive long enough to regret it.

Naming the baby as soon as it arrives pins the loathsome spectre to the body even if it slays its host within seconds!

Once the baby is named the ungodly beast within is anchored to the infant's body, and it is now possible begin a proper exorcism. Take your time, as the most time-critical part is over. You can even finish a brief task that you were about before, or grab a bite to eat.

Now, carefully and clearly type "CURSE", press the space bar once, the type the full name of the baby including any appended numerals. Press ENTER to begin the ritual proper. You can get a clue as to if this has taken effect if your voice gains a slightly resonant, angelic quality for a moment and you feel a rapturous feeling of peace, tranquility and general well-being welling up from deep within.

Now I know it can be confusing, some people even think that in sounds like you are cursing your own baby! That is of course, uneducated poppycock. As a seasoned professional in these matters I can assure you that it is in fact exactly and only the vile dark force that stole the poor innocent child away from you that is affected in this process.

The ritual is not yet complete however. You need to make sure everyone in the village repeats this exact phrase, accurate down to the last syllable and even character. Even a single person who fails to do so could unwittingly provide a gateway by which the hateful, sulfurous apparition might escape the righteous, purifying fire it so rightly deserves.

Once all members of your tribe, without fail, have spoken these words you can rest easy knowing that the darkness has passed.

If you have any lingering doubts, or experience feelings of 'grief', 'guilt', 'depression' or 'remorse' in the wake of losing your baby, you should consider applying these additional steps to make absolutely sure the child's soul is safe from eternal damnation.

Write down the full curse text on paper. Make multiple copies of this paper for distribution. Send horsemen and runners to neighboring towns and villages to deliver said papers and have their populations repeat the ritual, out loud in their own voice.

Maintain an archive of these papers so that future generations can maintain the seal that prevents the detestable vestige from returning to strike again. You might even make a sign to display outdoors, just in case.

Now I know some of you may be tempted to go about hoarding those precious 'curse tokens' for the inevitable jerkwad-with-a-knife-and-an-unpleasant-gleam-in-his-or-her-eye, but I implore you to think it through a little more. Once a mortal villan like this is properly executed, they aren't coming back within your lifetime. Everyone of proper schooling knows the 'Lineage Ban' prevents this, as laid out in the scripture.

These baby snatching demonic spirits, however, can come back again and again if you don't take proper precautions. So keep your holy water close and your list of baby names closer. Please, PLEASE, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

With the rigorous application of these field-tested expert-certified techniques by you and your kin, it might just be possible to prevent large piles of dead babies from disrupting the daily workflow of your peaceful village once and for all.

Be sure to teach this very important skillset as the sacred tradition it is. We want it is passed on, through every generation of every family. Tell all your friends. Tell EVERYONE!!!

For more information visit our support page at evilbabies.org/exorcism or call our hotline at (555) EVL-BABY

We are always standing by to assist those in need!

You can purchase more of my award-winning books, as well as satisfaction-guaranteed exorcism supplies and merchandise at evilbabies.org/store

We are open to feedback as well as mention of any additional non-patented techniques that you may know about, so please feel free to reach out to us if you have anything to add.

Thank you for reading! -
How To Excise Demonic Sprits: The Complete Guide
By Snakeoil Witchdoctor II, "MD"

EDIT: thanks to Lum for pointing out the missing reference to the 'upward arrow' technique

tl;dr -
name all unnamed people
keep "YOURE SOMENAME" typed at all times
name baby immediately
type "CURSE SOMENAME" after suicide
convince entire village to also type this

Last edited by ksaturn (2018-10-21 18:49:50)

Papa Smurf · 2018-10-20 12:05:57

Quality post good sir. I recently called your hotline, (555) EVL-BABY, but no one answered. Can you please help an old chap like me?

ksaturn · 2018-10-20 12:13:31

Papa Smurf wrote:

Quality post good sir. I recently called your hotline, (555) EVL-BABY, but no one answered. Can you please help an old chap like me?

Certainly! I'm sure it was just a momentary hiccup. If you still aren't able to get through to someone on the hotline feel free to reach out to me via the email listed on the website.

sarannwrap · 2018-10-21 07:00:08

I regret that in the past I have only saved one poor child's soul, due to them being slippery little demons at times. I was feeling quite merciful seeing as all of my other children sadly passed away in a whirlwind, obviously without such redeeming grace. As I relieved my son of his satanic burden, he cried, twisted and contorted until he abruptly put himself out of his misery in the middle of the dry, unforgiving desert.

Am I doing something wrong? I fear for his immortal soul.

ksaturn · 2018-10-21 07:37:01

I can't say for sure, but if he was indeed alone with you in the desert there may have been no other being by which the foulness might immediately egress. Even protected as you were by the ritual, should you travel and meet another who fails to perform it also there is risk.

The ghoulish hellion may have been able to insinuate itself into these unshielded people. Should this occur it will lie in wait for a sufficiently vulnerable vessel, no doubt to strike again. Without a final sealing of the abomination, there is no guarantee you boy's soul has escaped to his rightful place. As it stands, we can only hope that your actions were sufficient.

The fear you feel may yet be a clinging vestige of the ignoble shade, and can be alleviated by following the procedures listed under 'lingering doubts' in the guide. So long as you follow these directives thoroughly, you can be sure that all can be done, has been.

Lum · 2018-10-21 11:59:38

You can press up and down to go through your sentences, which means you can just say the naming and come back to it later instead of maintaining it in your writing bar

Randomname · 2018-10-21 12:53:04

I was born as a girl into a crazy town where they were stabbing and cursing babies that ran, so I hanged around for my required three minutes and then left to starve. Did anyone notice and curse me? I doubt it. Did my mother have to feed me therefore wasting her time and mine? Yes she did, all thanks to ideas like this one.

Also the reason I decided to respawn was I didn't like the people or their murdering/cursing. I went on to a much better, much more friendlier life.

ksaturn · 2018-10-21 17:46:39

Lum wrote:

You can press up and down to go through your sentences, which means you can just say the naming and come back to it later instead of maintaining it in your writing bar

Brilliant. I'll incorporate that where I can.

One Hour One Life Forums

#1 2018-10-20 11:38:25

How To Exorcise Demonic Sprits?

#2 2018-10-20 12:05:57

Re: How To Exorcise Demonic Sprits?

#3 2018-10-20 12:13:31

Re: How To Exorcise Demonic Sprits?

#4 2018-10-21 07:00:08

Re: How To Exorcise Demonic Sprits?

#5 2018-10-21 07:37:01

Re: How To Exorcise Demonic Sprits?

#6 2018-10-21 11:59:38

Re: How To Exorcise Demonic Sprits?

#7 2018-10-21 12:53:04

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#8 2018-10-21 17:46:39

Re: How To Exorcise Demonic Sprits?

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