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sinfulcliche

Member

Registered: 2018-12-06

Posts: 38

For My Wife Sana

Thank you Sana for giving me the most hilarious OHOL life I've ever had. Nothing can ever top that.
My mother abandoned me in the center of town. Maybe she didn't care, or just didn't realize? Anyways, I was quickly surrounded by 3 young girls, you being the oldest. You fed me berries, picking me up and naming me Kris. The two younger girls began taunting me for never having the sweet taste of boob, only berry. I felt ashamed. I too longed for the boob! They promised when they were old enough they'd let me have some.
I began tending to the sheep, taking out the dead ones and helping with the languishing farm. Occasionally we'd cross paths, and you would say, "Hey Kris, got any pussy yet?" Alas, the answer was no. But I was far too obsessed with being productive since not a lot of people were composting.
Eventually some more children were born who knew how to tend to sheep, which lightened my load and gave me some time to relax. "Got pussy yet?" you asked. We were far from the main part of the village, and nobody was around. Now was my chance!
"No, but cousin love if you know what I'm sayin." "Wink."
"No thanks." You said, abruptly walking away. My heart was shattered! Perhaps I would never get the boob promised by my adopted moms.
Speaking of adopted moms, I was collecting berries for compost when I witnessed a terrible sight. My two younger moms were fighting! "BITCH" "SKANK" They shouted at each other, brandishing knives. A brave lady tried to step in and break up the fight, but there was no need. They both starved because their arguing was so intense they forgot to eat. I picked up my mom's bag. It's great to have a pie on the go.
A little while later, we met up again. "Follow me" you said. To be honest, I was wary. I was scared you were going to murder me after what recently happened. But I had a pleasant surprise. You took off your sheep skin and blushed. My life goal was finally achieved! I took off my clothes as well and we started frantically clicking on each other. That would have been the end of it, but you had a son right then and there.
"Our son" you said, picking him up. I decided to name him Finn after Huckleberry Finn.
I was back tending to my sheep and making compost, a long time had gone by since I last saw you. I was starting to get worried, but you entered the pen with a new daughter, lovingly named Alabama.
But trouble was brewing in the village! A pair of quadruplets was born, and apparently they had some sort of evil intention. Me and my wife watched in horror as the babies were stabbed to death. All most people saw were babies getting stabbed, so they started mass cursing the woman. Soon the ground was littered with bloody bones, and our daughter Alabama starved right in front of our eyes, adding to the carnage. I left her bones outside the sheep pen.
Then suddenly, I saw a strange woman I'd never seen before. It was my mom! Surprised she was still alive, I called her name. In a flash she was gone again. You and I both did a sad face at each other.
We were beginning to go grey, and it was obvious my job was being taken care of by the next generation. The compost I had made during my lifetime was now being distributed all over the farms.
"This place sucks," I said. "Yeah," you replied.
"Let's run into the woods naked and die," I suggested. So that's exactly what we did.
But there was one final problem; it was taking embarrassingly long to die. We were running in and out of mosquito patches, going to the hottest areas, but nothing was working. "ALABAMA FOREVER" we chanted.
A woman came by and fed us berries when we had yellow fever.
"No we wanna die" you said.
"Dumb asses" the lady replied, leaving us to die in peace.
My wife died a few seconds before me, telling me she loved me one final time.
A small child walked up to me, trying to feed me berries again. "No its good" I said, before finally turning into a pile of bones.
And that was hands down the funniest life I've ever had. Alabama forever.
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gabal

Member

Registered: 2018-07-26

Posts: 133

Re: For My Wife Sana

Sounds like a fun life

Eclipciz

Member

Registered: 2018-04-03

Posts: 35

Re: For My Wife Sana

Hey I was the one who was murdering quadruplets! I swear I had the best intention (as the town medic!). What y’all probably didn’t see was them plugging the fires and taking essential medical equipment. It ended up with me getting cursed a few times (edit: and stabbed, lol) but that’s it.

So yeah, good times, ahah. Obrian was a fun life.

Last edited by Eclipciz (2018-12-06 22:18:06)

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Ethical Killing
One Step One Life
One At A Time

sinfulcliche

Member

Registered: 2018-12-06

Posts: 38

Re: For My Wife Sana

Hey I was the one who was murdering quadruplets! I swear I had the best intention (as the town medic!). What y’all probably didn’t see was them plugging the fires and taking essential medical equipment. It ended up with me getting cursed a few times (edit: and stabbed, lol) but that’s it.

So yeah, good times, ahah. Obrian was a fun life.

Oh gosh, yeah I suspected you weren't trying to do any harm. I saw you being helpful to the village and I even tried pestering you for your knife to kill some sheep, but you looked way too busy. I was afraid to speak up because I would probably get cursed too. Hopefully you didn't end up in Donkey Town for that one.