Help with wordsmithing

jasonrohrer · 2019-02-27 17:08:20

Can you help me make this more concise?

"Unofficial adaptation of Jason Rohrer's original PC game, made without Jason's approval or involvement, and running on separate servers. Jason placed the original game in the public domain, which is why such unofficial adaptations are possible."

The audience for the statement is some random mobile game player who might not even know what "public domain" means, who is currently confused about the nature of the mobile port that they are playing, and who is potentially emailing me for tech support (or to complain about design decisions that are not mine).

(As an analogy, imagine you just published a version of Alice In Wonderland with a new chapter at the end....)

I feel like the one I have above is a bit too long.... I realized that when I tried to tweet it today, and it barely fit in a tweet.

If it's too long, people won't read it....

Whatever · 2019-02-27 17:15:11

I think you could create a license that says that all modifications of your orginal code / product, must be marked as such and must make it obvious to the audience that this is not your original software, also they must provide a link to your original software / source. This way people who publish modifications would be responsible for it and you would probably get less questions about it.
But i think you dont like licenses?

jasonrohrer · 2019-02-27 17:44:58

Well, I guess it depends on the situation. In the case of 2HOL, there is no confusion. Similarly with other mods that have been developed.

It's not a licensing issue, but an issue of lying or misleading.

I don't need to grant someone a "license" to ensure that they won't mislead people. Libel, fraud, plagiarism.... these aren't "licensing" issues.

Wielding copyright to prevent fraud is backwards. After copyright expires, fraud is still possible. Fraud never expires. They are two separate issues. (The patent on the lightbulb has long expired, but I cannot claim that I invented it, or that I worked with Edison, or that he gave my work his personal blessing before he died, etc.)

The problem is that an "unofficial" mobile port is without precedent in the game industry. So its very existence is misleading. "If it exists, Jason must have approved of it, and he must be getting a cut." Any reasonable person would assume that, unless they were explicitly told otherwise.

So even if the mobile devs don't actively issue misleading statements, they can mislead by omission, because the default, expected explanation is so different from the true explanation. I'm trying to come up with wording that they can use to explain it to people.

Not sure if the PC players are aware, but the mobile devs added an NPC Santa character around the holidays. This Santa would wander the polar biome (like a seal might wander) and hand out presents. I'm not sure whether you could club him and skin him....

Anyway, if mobile players are confused about the origins of the game that they are playing, they might think that NPC Santa was my idea, or that I at least approved of it. I most certainly did not. So you can see how, through the confusion, this can reflect poorly on me as a designer.

Tea · 2019-02-27 17:46:14

Jason's original PC game is available to the public, allowing any unofficial adaptations without his approval or involvement and thus running on separate servers.

Maybe like this ? I would also like to add that any changes or updates on the adaptation of the game might not be Jason's idea or design but I don't know how long a twitter post can be.

I agree with Whatever that every modification should inform the user that this is not the original software and provide a link to it.

Last edited by Tea (2019-02-27 17:51:16)

Tarr · 2019-02-27 17:49:32

jasonrohrer wrote:

Not sure if the PC players are aware, but the mobile devs added an NPC Santa character around the holidays. This Santa would wander the polar biome ... I'm not sure whether you could club him and skin him....

Well I know what update I want next week now. Please let us hunt santas for their hats and fluffy beards.

Dodge · 2019-02-27 17:54:39

"Unofficial adaptation of Jason Rohrer's original PC game, for any inquiries contact [Insert contact of adaptation developper]"

CrazyEddie · 2019-02-27 17:54:41

"The mobile version of One Hour One Life is completely separate from the PC version. Jason Rohrer makes the PC version and has nothing to do with the mobile version. You'll need to contact the mobile developers for further assistance."

233 characters, so it's tweetable.

I don't think there's any point in even mentioning the public domain aspects and all that that implies; it won't help the person understand the situation any better and it won't help them solve their problem.

Roblor · 2019-02-27 18:02:25

"Jason Rohrer didn't make this version and is not getting in on it's revenue."

Whatever · 2019-02-27 18:02:44

CrazyEddie wrote:

"The mobile version of One Hour One Life is completely separate from the PC version. Jason Rohrer makes the PC version and has nothing to do with the mobile version. You'll need to contact the mobile developers for further assistance."

+1
Easy to understand

CrazyEddie · 2019-02-27 18:15:57

So even if the mobile devs don't actively issue misleading statements, they can mislead by omission, because the default, expected explanation is so different from the true explanation. I'm trying to come up with wording that they can use to explain it to people.

Okay, that's a different use case than I'd been assuming. My first suggestion was written as if you would be replying to someone who was asking you for support.

How about this:

"The mobile version of One Hour One Life is based off of the original PC version by Jason Rohrer, but the two versions are completely separate. Jason has not authorized or approved the mobile version and has nothing to do with it."

229 characters.

I think it addresses your main concern in a way that is clear, concise, and complete. Again, I'm leaving out the whole public domain thing, because as you say many people won't even understand what that means and it can't be explained in a short sentence.

It also strikes me as something completely reasonable to ask the mobile developers to tell their users.

CrazyEddie · 2019-02-27 18:29:35

jasonrohrer wrote:

Anyway, if mobile players are confused about the origins of the game that they are playing, they might think that NPC Santa was my idea, or that I at least approved of it. I most certainly did not. So you can see how, through the confusion, this can reflect poorly on me as a designer.

Here's one that more directly addresses the "reflect poorly on me" concern:

"The mobile version of One Hour One Life is a modified version of the original PC version by Jason Rohrer. Jason did not authorize or approve the mobile version or any of the changes made from the original PC version."

216 characters.

Or even shorter:

"The mobile version of One Hour One Life includes changes from the original PC version which were not approved by the original developer, Jason Rohrer."

Hopefully one of these suggestions expresses your intent.

InSpace · 2019-02-27 18:37:26

"The mobile version of OHOL Immortal™ is the replacement of OHOL 2™, which was a change pushed by activision because of the higher profits in mobile gaming compared to the original pc audience."

Christoffer · 2019-02-27 19:56:20

This game is to a large extent based on the works of Jason Rohrer. He allows the reuse, but is not affiliated with us and isn’t taking part in the design and implementation, nor in the operation of our servers.

Peremptive · 2019-02-27 21:30:28

for replying to emails, many of the above responses are suitable. You could add somewhere in your own site that only the PC version is made by you.

BlueDiamondAvatar · 2019-02-27 21:40:28

"This mobile game is an unlicensed adaptation of Jason Roher's PC game, One Hour One Life (OHOL), as he has made the source code freely available in the public domain. Purchase of [OHOL for mobile] does not grant the player access to the OHOL servers administered by Jason Rohrer."

Not actually shorter, but i added "freely available" to embed the meaning of public domain. The part in brackets would be updated for the precise name of the game.

Grim_Arbiter · 2019-02-27 23:43:58

BlueDiamondAvatar wrote:

"This mobile game is an unlicensed adaptation of Jason Roher's PC game, One Hour One Life (OHOL), as he has made the source code freely available in the public domain. Purchase of [OHOL for mobile] does not grant the player access to the OHOL servers administered by Jason Rohrer."
Not actually shorter, but i added "freely available" to embed the meaning of public domain. The part in brackets would be updated for the precise name of the game.

I think this one looks like a winner.

Morti · 2019-02-28 00:54:35

jasonrohrer wrote:

Can you help me make this more concise?
"Unofficial adaptation of Jason Rohrer's original PC game, made without Jason's approval or involvement, and running on separate servers. Jason placed the original game in the public domain, which is why such unofficial adaptations are possible."

The audience for the statement is some random mobile game player who might not even know what "public domain" means, who is currently confused about the nature of the mobile port that they are playing, and who is potentially emailing me for tech support (or to complain about design decisions that are not mine).

(As an analogy, imagine you just published a version of Alice In Wonderland with a new chapter at the end....)

I feel like the one I have above is a bit too long.... I realized that when I tried to tweet it today, and it barely fit in a tweet.
If it's too long, people won't read it....

"Unofficial adaptation of Jason Rohrer's original PC game."

GreatShawn · 2019-02-28 03:55:07

Copycat mobile game of a PC game.

Sorry not good at english

Last edited by GreatShawn (2019-02-28 03:55:27)

ryanb · 2019-02-28 07:49:25

CrazyEddie wrote:

"The mobile version of One Hour One Life includes changes from the original PC version which were not approved by the original developer, Jason Rohrer."

This one is my favorite.

CrazyEddie · 2019-02-28 17:03:49

+1 for Morti

One Hour One Life Forums

#1 2019-02-27 17:08:20

Help with wordsmithing

#2 2019-02-27 17:15:11

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#3 2019-02-27 17:44:58

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#4 2019-02-27 17:46:14

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#5 2019-02-27 17:49:32

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#6 2019-02-27 17:54:39

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#7 2019-02-27 17:54:41

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#8 2019-02-27 18:02:25

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#9 2019-02-27 18:02:44

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#10 2019-02-27 18:15:57

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#11 2019-02-27 18:29:35

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#12 2019-02-27 18:37:26

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#13 2019-02-27 19:56:20

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#14 2019-02-27 21:30:28

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#15 2019-02-27 21:40:28

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#16 2019-02-27 23:43:58

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#17 2019-02-28 00:54:35

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#18 2019-02-28 03:55:07

Re: Help with wordsmithing

#19 2019-02-28 07:49:25

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